By Dr. Kim Sharrott, Psy.D., M.Ed.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is a form of psychotherapy based on the idea that the mind is made up of different “parts” — like the inner critic, the perfectionist, and the part of you that’s exhausted by both — and that healing comes not from silencing those parts, but from understanding what they’re trying to protect. Developed by family therapist Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, IFS has become one of the most sought-after approaches in therapy today.
I’m trained in IFS, and it’s some of the most powerful work I do with high-achieving adults. Here’s what it actually is.
What does “Internal Family Systems” mean?
The “family” in IFS isn’t your relatives — it’s the family inside you. Think of your mind as a household of parts, each with its own voice, feelings, and job. You already talk this way without noticing: “Part of me wants to quit my job, and part of me is terrified to.” IFS takes that everyday experience seriously and works with it directly.
What are “parts” in IFS?
IFS describes three broad kinds of parts:
Managers run your daily life and try to keep you safe and in control. The perfectionist, the planner, the people-pleaser, and the inner critic are usually managers. They mean well — they’re trying to prevent pain — but their methods can leave you anxious and burned out.
Firefighters rush in when pain breaks through anyway. They reach for whatever numbs or distracts fast: the extra glass of wine, the midnight scroll, the work binge, the emotional shutdown.
Exiles are the parts carrying the oldest pain — shame, fear, grief, and the beliefs formed in hard moments (“I’m too much,” “I have to earn love”). Managers and firefighters spend enormous energy keeping exiles locked away, which is why so many high-functioning people feel inexplicably exhausted.
What is the “Self” in IFS?
Underneath all the parts, IFS holds that everyone has a core Self — the calm, curious, compassionate center of you that isn’t a part at all. When people describe feeling “like themselves” — steady, clear, kind toward their own experience — that’s Self. Much of IFS is about helping the Self lead, so your parts don’t have to run the show through criticism and control. My clients often describe this as finally feeling like there’s an adult in charge inside — a resilient one.
What happens in an IFS session?
Sessions are gentle and conversational. We might notice the critical voice that shows up when you make a mistake, get curious about what it’s afraid would happen if it stopped criticizing you, and — often to clients’ surprise — find something protective and young underneath it. There’s no forcing and no reliving trauma before you’re ready; your system sets the pace. Many clients are struck by how quickly self-attack softens into self-understanding.
What can IFS help with?
IFS is commonly used for anxiety, perfectionism, burnout, low self-esteem, trauma, and grief — and for the relationship patterns that grow out of all of them. In my practice, it’s an especially good fit for thoughtful, high-achieving adults whose inner critic runs the show, who people-please at their own expense, or who’ve “done therapy” before and understood their patterns intellectually without feeling them shift.
Is IFS evidence-based?
IFS is an evidence-informed approach with a growing body of peer-reviewed research, including studies with promising results for PTSD and depression, and research continues to expand. I describe it carefully on purpose: the research base is real and growing, though younger than CBT’s. Many clients experience IFS as the approach that finally reaches what talk and logic alone couldn’t.
How is IFS different from CBT?
CBT works primarily with thoughts — identifying distorted thinking and testing it against reality. IFS works with the parts having the thoughts — asking why the inner critic believes it must be so harsh. They’re not rivals; I often blend them. CBT gives you tools to manage the critic day to day; IFS helps the critic stand down because it no longer believes it has to protect you that way.
IFS therapy in New York City and online
I offer IFS therapy in person at my Manhattan office (1178 Broadway) and online throughout New York. Sessions are $250, and I provide an itemized superbill you can submit for possible out-of-network reimbursement. If you’re curious whether IFS is right for you, I offer a complimentary 15-minute consultation — book here.
Frequently asked questions
Does IFS involve my actual family?
No. Despite the name, IFS works with your internal system of parts, not your family members. (It grew out of family therapy, which is where the “systems” thinking comes from.)
Can IFS be done online?
Yes. IFS works well by video, and I offer it online throughout New York State.
Is IFS helpful for trauma and grief?
Yes — IFS was developed in part through work with trauma, and its paced, consent-based approach makes it well suited to grief and painful experiences. We go at the speed your system trusts.
How long does IFS therapy take?
It varies. Some people feel meaningful shifts in a few months; deeper pattern work takes longer. We’ll talk about your goals in our first sessions and revisit them as we go.
